Dear Michael:
Wedging yourself into the uncomfortably small gap between the arm of the couch and my body probably isn’t worth it. Also, mashing your head against the back of my hand and sticking your feet in my face doesn’t make me want to pet you.
UNFLATTERING PICTURES OF MY CAT
At least he's cuddly.
Stunned and lardy: two words that describe my cat’s entire existence.
Forward Motion: How My Cat Interprets My Actions During Daily Life:
I’m sleeping = must be time to eat
I wake up = must be time to eat
I stand up = must be time to eat
I walk into and/or near the kitchen for any reason at all = must be time to eat
I put my shoes on to leave = abandoned forever feed me first
I’m using the bathroom = staring contest
I’m showering = abandoned forever
I’m done showering = must be time to eat
I’m watching the very important/emotional ending to a movie = must be time to eat
I’m working out = must be time to eat
I’m trying to use the computer = pay attention to me
I’m not on the computer = must be time to eat
I’m on the phone = let me stick my head beside the receiver and loudly help you talk to other people
I’m feeding and/or petting the cat = let me bite you and show you my butthole
Having fun together on a cloudy day.
Michael likes to sleep/lay around on his back.
This cat fucking ruins so many photos by yawning. This is just a small sampling.
STOP IT DO YOU HEAR ME HOLD IT IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES THAT’S ALL I’M ASKING FOR
This would have been cuter if you hadn’t drooled everywhere.
You could maybe use eyebrows or something.
…Are you awake, or asleep? What are you doing?
Is it entirely necessary to lay on me like this while I’m trying to check my email?
